Just a Phase

This too shall pass.

This just a phase. It’s a blip or a bump in the road of life – it’s not you forever.

This is something I am trying to hold onto. And also the fact that all blips, no matter how blip-ish they feel, are actually gifts. Or at least happening for a reason.

But you know when you have those moments, a million or just a couple, in a day, when you almost step out of yourself and wonder how you got here…what happened?

Not necessarily in a bad way, just a leaves-me-speechless kind of way.

But this isn’t forever. This isn’t necessarily you. Sure, it’s part of you and it’s a part that needs to be accepted. And a part that I want to accept.

But I just want to be able to jump on that bus to the anxiety group that might help, or to jump on the train to friends where I will feel myself again. But I’m too overwhelmed with those options – the noise, the traffic, the not-quite-knowing-where-I’m-going, the bustling people, the city streets, the strangers who might approach. Let alone the anxiety I feel about these things. But if I just felt anxious, I feel like I could work through it and gently push myself. But when overwhelm is involved, it literally makes you feel as though you will fall over when you find yourself in those kind of situations.

So, perhaps this is the time for me to accept all those people that have said, now is the time to just do things that nurture you – make you happy, sooth your soul, relax yourself. Let go of those things that cause havoc with your stress levels and your adrenal glands. Although, in a way that’s the comedy in all this – I get overwhelmed by doing my washing (which for the record, I haven’t done in weeks) or by cooking myself dinner (which for the record, I haven’t in ages – I have just moved in with a lady who is cooking it for me). When I type that, I have taken a moment to sit back and wonder whether I am actually okay. Because I was about to type – it’s not what it sounds like, I do spend most of the day doing something that nurtures, even if I have a constant negative voice running in my head, or feeling crap with it all. Truth is, the simplest of tasks overwhelm me and that scares me. And it immediately kicks up the voice of doubt – the voice of you-are-not-okay.

But, maybe the truth is, that I am just needing some time-out? I just read the best little nugget of words that I found here and wanted to share with you:

Humans are the only creatures in nature that resist the pattern of ebb and flow.

We want the sun to shine all night, and when it doesn’t, we create cities that never sleep.

Seeking a continuous energetic and emotional high, we use everything from exciting parties to illegal chemicals.

But natural ebbs—the darkness between days, the emptiness between fill-ups, the fallow time between growing seasons—are the necessary complements of upbeats.

They hold a message for us. If you listen at your life’s low points, you’ll hear it, too. It’s just one simple, blessed word: Rest.

–Martha Beck

This connects me to the importance of nature and keeping or growing our connection to our natural world. It really do show us the way in living – the ebb and flow – the natural rhythm of life is something we so easily miss. And all the magic that happens right before our eyes. In times of loss, confusion, tears or anger, to just open my eyes to the flowers still blossoming, the animals still plodding on their way, reminds me of the bigger picture – what’s important in life and what’s holding us to this earth.

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4 thoughts on “Just a Phase

  1. I look at my life now and wonder how long this ‘blip’ is going to continue. I fell into strong depression this summer (also not cooking or cleaning or anything) and whilst I’m at least able to get out of bed now for a bit I am still not ok. I still tell myself that this is a blip and things will get better as long as I keep the hope up that they will. Because with hope comes the determination to keep going. Anyway, yes, I understand xx

  2. i can so relate, everything for me feels like an effort and i constantly feel guilty about it. it’s not even that i’m tired all the time, everything feels like an effort…i have the lazy message going through my mind all the time.

    • Just found this reply, and was so what I needed to read this morning. What is with that lazy voice?? It’s SO annoying. It kicks in about 30 minutes into an activity or job, that I really love, and then just stays there until I feel like crap and can’t be bothered anymore. And then I struggle on, or give up. It’s almost like i don’t know how to keep inspired and keep motivated – the feeling feels so alien, I have to let my inner voice chip in and bring me down.
      Is that at all how you feel…?! : ) xox

      • I wonder if part of it is, the “not good enough” message. i am guessing you got that message growing up too. if we never feel good enough, anything we do would feel like an effort as we believe it won’t be good enough anyway. i think that’s part of it for me, the other part is i’m on anti seizure meds that don’t leave me tired, just draggy, add in there PTSD and not a great combo…i think we are so hard on ourselves because of the voices of our abusers…ugh! be gentle with yourself! it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling! xo

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