Yesterday I stood knee deep in soil. I pondered life, sat in a compost heap. I sorted through the mud, the bricks, the weeds, the roots. I felt connected to the earth and all its wonder. I watched as food had turned to black gold.
I watched as the raindrops fell. I felt as they soaked right through. I smelt as the last of the summer sun soaked the grass and the wet damp sweetness drifted up.
I built. I moved. I dug. I grooved.
I pondered on what could be. I pondered on what might be.
I realised I really need to stop eating crisps.
I worried for the future. I worried that I was destined for shit. For a life of struggle. I watched as my friend sung and cried of his son that died. I felt my heart move in ways that teared me up.
I watched as I opened, as my newly formed shell softly chipped away. I watched as if by magic, it fixed itself back up again.
I watched the feeling of strength and energy overwhelm me and encompass me. Protect me. Even though it feels slightly unnatural, slightly meds induced, I bathed in it. I dug, I smiled, I felt every muscle put to use and embraced it.
I felt like I used to feel. I felt like the overenthusiastic, energetic, and outdoor loving bean I used to be. I still am. It’s just I lost this bit of me for a bit. Even if its been brought back by drugs. Even if it isn’t quite natural, embrace the fact you feel like you. Leave the worries for the future behind you, and begin to live for what is right now. What has been, what was and what might be can’t be something of focus.
What can be of focus, is the survival of now. The living of now. The moment of now. That is the importance, and yesterday I felt that. I saw the importance of shifting energy and worry from what was or what might, to the living of now.
Here’s to another day in the soil.