Dear anxiety

Please give me a break.

Please let me feel able to relax.

Please let me feel able to enjoy life and bathe in all that it brings, the good and the not so easy. With you I just feel like i’m hanging into life by a string.

I feel mad.

I feel breathless.

I feel agitated.

I feel totally terrified of…nothing in particular, just LIFE.

I feel weird.

I feel disconnected.

I feel frustrated.

I feel unable to get angry with you. And this makes me feel stuck because I know if I can get pissed at you I feel invigorated and inspired and I know I CAN DO THIS. But right now your grip is holding me tight.

I know you’re trying to help. I know you’re full of care and with an aim to protect.

But you don’t. You hinder.

Not all of me can see that yet. I still want you, I still think I need you.

You are my comfort zone, you are my ease.

But that’s the funny grip, the funny hold, that you have on me.

You make me feel helpless and scared and the only way to get through life is to live on FULL ALERT at all times to avoid danger.

But what if it doesn’t need to be like that?

This is what you make me:

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And this is what I want to be, and I know I so can be, and more importantly AM beneath it all:

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So how about it Anxiety – lets make a deal.

You and me together, you can take a break. Go have a lifelong cup of tea and know that your job here is done. I thank you for all that you’ve shown me, taught me and protected me from. But the truth is, I don’t need you anymore. I need the freedom that life can bring. It doesn’t need to be this terrifying journey. So how about it? Let me step foot out there, with all your teachings in hand and see what life brings.

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10 thoughts on “Dear anxiety

  1. i don’t know if i ever mentioned to you what was life changing for me in this regard? if so disregard this..lol
    name your anxiety, and when you feel it, acknowledge it by name, tell it you’re in no immediate danger and you have new coping skills…thank it for warning you. i know it sounds silly and i thought it was nuts a first but it changed my life!
    i named anxiety “fred” 🙂

    • I just realised I never replied to this. I remember reading your post about this on your blog and I love that you called your anxiety fred – I think I dabbled with the idea of calling mine Geoff. but it never really stuck, but i do remember it sometimes and laugh. I think it’s because my anxiety voices vary so much so it’s hard to name one. Maybe I need to name them all! Something I’ve done instead is draw them out as characters, not all of them yet, and then sometimes when I’m feeling the anxiety I picture the cartoon character and I know it’s them and not aall of me! It also makes me laugh too. Big love. xxx

  2. What you are going through sounds like an overwhelming place. So be gentle on yourself. Give yourself time, accept and feel all the pain. I don’t know when it will go over, but IT WILL! If you feel disconnected, then be disconnected, so at some point, when you are ready you can be connected again. I’ve just written a little about stress. It’s been my amigo for some years. I can relate. Sending smiles on your way. 🙂

    • Thanks so much for this lovely lovely comment, peach. You write so well and it just sounds like you really understand, which means a lot. To hear that reassurance that it’s okay to feel disconnected, and that it will pass just means so so much too! I can’t explain it enough : )
      Big love to you. X

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