There must be beauty in this mix of mayhem,
There must be beauty, there always is.
Life works like that,
It always does.
I just can’t see it now,
It just doesn’t feel it exists.
But it must,
It has to.
Otherwise where would life leave us?
Feeling shit forever is where.
At times it’s hard to remember this beauty, this gift of life.
When what’s happening to you is because of stuff that happened when you were a kid.
When what’s happening to is because of some fucked up shit someone else did to you.
When what’s happening to you is because a tonne of atrocities that have run riot in your bones for all these years, and only just now are being given a voice to sing.
When what’s happening to you leaves you breathless and crying for that love that never came. That love that isn’t there.
Just like a flower needs to blossom and be watered and nurtured,
So do you.
And just like a seed needs warmth, comfort, nurturing and nutrition to grow into the plant it’s destined to become,
You need a constant, consistent and genuine dose of this too.
If there’s noone there to give it to you. It the parent you do desperately long for is not there and never has been, this in a sense is a gift. This brings the discovery of the beauty of nurturing yourself. Becoming the parent to yourself you so deeply deserve. This gift, this beauty, this need to parent yourself can feel shit. It can leave you feeling less empowered, more hopeless, more sorrow, more loneliness at the fact it’s just up to you, but beneath these feelings is a feeling of everlasting gratitude, love and relief from your inner child to you. YOU. Because you’re the one that can do this. You’re the one that can give you what you need. You’re the one that really knows what makes your heart sing, what lets that inner child’s beauty shine and shine through to all bits of you.
In those moments of fragility, those moments of vulnerability, wrap yourself up and hold yourself close. Know that you are there for you, and that is what matters most.
It still doesn’t stop you wanting a big old cwtch* from those you love though.
*cwtch – cuddle in Welsh. One of my favourite words of all time.