“I wish I could see how people could love me” – that’s the inner dialogue going round and round the last few days. And it has been there since…I can remember. It does my head in. This inner doubt of myself screws me over. As do the rest of them, but this causes particular havoc. It means you isolate yourself when you need friends the most; it means despite how many times they say they are there for you and that they care, it is not that you don’t believe them, it is that you don’t believe HOW they could feel that towards you, so you end up assuming that they are just saying that to be nice, no matter how close of a friend they actually are.
Limiting core beliefs are ones like these. They hit you hard daily and they sit there. Right. In. Your. Core. You just CANNOT, no matter how many times you try to change it slightly, seem to shift it. And cannot imagine life without that limiting belief… “what? a life where people loved me?? woooah, NO WAY.”
So in there is this shift of acceptance that needs to come too – a shift to be able to sit there and realise that you do deserve to be loved. You, just like everyone else in the world, deserves to let that love in.
And I do know too, that with time and with the right work, these beliefs really can go. Sure, right now, I can’t imagine a life without them and I sure can’t see how on earth they can shift, but I am going on that trust that they really can. In my heart I know they can and so that is what matters. I just wish they didn’t screw you over so much on their journey to shifting!
That is why I am loving the doodling. By getting the words, beliefs and characters out on paper it really helps to distance yourself from them. Even if you still believe the doubts or limiting belief, there is something in you that looks at these words on the paper and wonders whether you really need to think like this? Whether it is really helpful? And most importantly, whether it is really true.
One thing I know for sure is that I love those close to me, to the moon and back. I hope some day soon I’ll be able to really trust, I mean REALLY trust and know, that there is a way for me to be loveable too.
Love to you.