Discombobulation

As the Urban Dictionary so perfectly describes, discombobulated is:

“Feeling disconnected or unbalanced: when your mind has a million things running around it and it makes you act like a fumbling idiot.” 

It is also just an excuse to use one of my favourite words in the English Language.

You know those few days when you just can’t settle your wandering, worrying mind? Those days when your feet just seem to carry on swimming beneath the chaos your mind produces, struggling to find any ground in the midst, no matter how many quiet moments or breathers on a bench you give yourself. You continue on, fumbling, stuttering, overwhelming yourself (and others in your midst), confusing yourself (and others), and feeling exhausted.

Well this was me today. And yesterday…and the day before.

And then, out of the blue, that seemingly long-lost, “will it ever come back?”, clarity and connection shows its face again.

Tonight, as I chopped my onions and was wishing I owned a pair of those Onion Chopping Goggles, there it came: that connection was back. Boom. And I simply found myself saying out-loud: “there you are”. My body filled with relief, thanked the sky, and a smile came back to my face.

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Some days I feel like I’m losing the plot. Other days I feel like I could kick some serious butt. And others I simply feel slightly on edge and discombobulated, wondering where my connection to myself and my clarity went. But all days I am just human.

Yesterday, in the midst of this discombobulation, I tried to surrender and enjoy the ride. I knew that this connection would come back to me at some point so I may as well try and enjoy it. I’m not sure I succeeded but it was worth a shot, and nice to attempt this. I’m a fan of noticing what is going on – this is my new year challenge. Notice. Resist always trying to change.

This connection that discombobulation helps you lose, doesn’t stop anxiety stopping by to kick up a fuss, or stop emotions knocking you. But what this connection does give you is feet that are steady on the ground throughout whatever feelings come your way. A sense of stability in the chaos that life can hand you on your plate. In a state of discombobulation, my feet always feel like they’re wearing jelly shoes (and not the cool kind I used to dream of owning as a kind. The kind that leave you empty of any grounding or support or foundation).

Love.

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