Some mornings you wake with a start, to a head full of fear, worries or storytelling of what the day might unfold, or mental list writing all that you need to do. Instead of a slow and calm start you dream of, you’re ON ONE from the word go.
You stretch and riggle in an attempt to shift these worries and the weight of dread that these thoughts won’t stop kicking around your weary head.
You know you need to get up. You know you need to face the world. You know you do, YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO. You try to pretend none of what you woke up thinking, feeling and worrying really happened or is really there.
Maybe if I just sneak off the bed backwards, into the world facing the other way, none of these worries will have to be faced…
Then you remember it really doesn’t work like that. That the worries, fears and lists half written, just jump back in your face with fuller force if stuffed down as far as they can go. So you sit up straight, and decide to be mature about this and to take a gentle peek at the world outside and the angsts swimming inside. That’s the Grown Up way to do things.
Oh man, it’s too much. You can’t do it. You remember that actually you don’t feel like being bloody Grown Up today. You just want to sleep some more and curl up in a ball. So you do. The World and the worries can be faced when you decide to wake up. It all just feels too tender, painful and intense today.
You take some deep breaths and forgive yourself. You remember that you really do deserve some R+R – some peace in this seemingly chaotic world – so you open your eyes and realise this love you have for yourself. Unconditional. You feel that warmth of pride you have of your imperfections and any lack of motivation because you remember we are all human. So screw the lists and screw the fears, they can be there waiting for when you get up. But for now, you’re just going to let it all hang out.
Then a pal comes along and reminds you how much nicer life is, and how much softer the worries or fears are, with the love from them. So you laugh at the angst you were swimming in ten minutes ago and enjoy the important and good bits of life, and have a bloody good cosy cuddle.
You let yourself rest, and breathe and maybe even meditate a bit, or just lie there for a moment longer in all your rebellion against Grown Up-hood and its responsibilities and you take yourself into the world when you are ready.
Then your day feels so much better. The worries feel manageable. The fears feel able to be kicked or helped, or simply and gently noticed and acknowledged. And when you step foot outside, you realise your day started just the way you wanted it to!
Sometimes it’s okay to hide away and give yourself the comfort you need. And remember that beautiful world is out there inviting you to come and play when you’re ready.