On this journey of trauma healing, it is easy to feel overwhelmed with its relentlessness. Its seemingly ever-lasting sources of shit to come to the surface, release and heal. This past month, as these meds have been working their way out (THANK GOD), this has all been happening more defined, more beautifully, more terrifyingly, more clearly, more raw, more mine…in a nutshell, I have been beginning to feel more like me.
But what comes with me, is one mega history. The complexity, the amount, the intensity, of the trauma that has been, and is back here now, is terrifying. In these days, or moments, grasping the concept of Living in the Present is all I can do. When that one liner of negativity comes – I’m screwed – I can’t help but wonder how the hell this isn’t true. But then I see that part of me is still going. Part of me knows I’m not.
Maybe this part of me is deluded. Living in a dreamland where everybody heals and everybody is okay. But where else would I want to live right now? So this is where I try to remember I am. I’m not in a world where negativity and destruction runs riot, I am in a place where the darkest of traumas can shift and heal. The most intense combinations of prolonged abuse and neglect, can come to pass and heal too.
This world I talk of is the world within our bodies. This world made up of cells and bones, has an indomitable spirit. It has strength to overcome the most scary and painful traumas. This has been proven over hundreds of years. And so there is no reason why it would stop now, or not apply to me, or you.
The hard part is that the world outside our bodies, trauma, negativity and destruction happens so much. In dark and maddening ways. To animals, the environment, and nature. But just like within ourselves, in the outer world too, alongside destruction comes beauty, and alongside negativity comes joy. Alongside trauma, be it to our bodies or in the world we live in, healing comes too.