Today I’m mourning the end of the TV Series, Girls, that has been a part of my daily life the past two weeks. It’s SO good, people.
The thing with TV is that I used to hate it. Like proper hate it, up until very recently-ish. We didn’t have a TV until I was ten and so I used to spend all my days playing, up trees, or dealing with whatever shit was going down in our household.
I used to go round to friends houses and get completely glued in-front of the box. Once my eyes saw the screen, they were stuck…until I had to be dragged away when it was time to leave.
My teens saw a phase of TV rebellion, when we finally had one. I would sneak into the front room to get my daily fix of Neighbours after school, with my packets of sweets that I had also secretly bought in a rebellion against my no-sugar-upbringing (lesson to parents who ban their kids from sugar all their life – there comes a time when they hit the sugar bank hard).
Both the TV and the sugar rebellion didn’t last long though. The sugar one came to an end when I realised that, despite how much I longed to just be like ‘everyone else’, I fucking hated the stuff. And still do. As for the TV rebellion, it was kind of the same. I realised that I would much prefer to be outside doing stuff, or inside doing stuff, than sat in front of some trash on the screen. As a student I would watch my friends falling asleep and waking up to the sound of chit-chat from strangers on the box. I would watch them spend their days when they couldn’t be bothered to work or get dressed or eat or leave the house, or all of those, in front of the TV instead. Part of me hated it but another part of me was secretly so jealous. I longed to be able to just get lost in a programme – another world where no responsibilities lay and where you had no part to play, apart from to just watch.
There was one thing I was addicted to though. In my second and third year I would spend an hour every morning watching America’s Next Top Model, with my breakfast. For some reason this was an absolute fave of mine.
In the years that followed, my ex-boyfriend tried to teach me how to watch TV more skilfully…i.e. getting rid of that conscience that I should be doing something else, trying to learn to leave it at the front door before I sat on the sofa. This didn’t really happen because I realised that I just preferred to be doing something or being outside (this is the main thing). I used to spend the moments in front of the telly with a running dialogue of what I should or shouldn’t be doing, or what I just wanted to be doing, instead.
This is a whole other conversation to be had but there are plus sides and the not-so-plus sides to this desire to Do Stuff All The Time.
But this last year of
breakdown emotional chaos, TV has become a saviour. TV from my laptop – it feels much better this way. It’s just a nicer screen, y’know. It also means you can choose the crap you watch. I don’t just end up with whatever tosh is on the regular TV.
Series. Endless films. And more series. I have embraced the lying in bed at 2pm watching the fourth episode of a series that day, with open arms. I have welcomed the way I can get lost in a film and forget the future or forget the past and just focus on this story of the Moment.
I used to love watching educational, inspirational, moving, inspiring, deep, films. Now all I want is (good) trash. There has been nothing but sickly romance, crappy comedy, inspiringly awful Californian teenage series, and a wholesome mixture of all three. But the latest and I think perhaps the best (drawing with Arrested Development – if you have not seen this, get to Netflix NOW), is Girls.
Lena Dunham is pure genius. Watch it. Get lost in the way that it makes you realise this is normal. The twenties are a crazy time. We all get lost. We all lose ourselves to a guy. We all feel like we’re going a bit crazy. We all wonder what the hell we’re doing with our lives. This show made me feel okay about it. it made me realise this is just a normal phase of life. And it made me want to live in new york with a bunch of my girl friends and write a book.