I’m in love. Yep, it’s out. I’m in love with the biggest most beautiful woman in the world. No, I’m not gay. I’m in love with Mother Nature. Always have been, always will be. Any guy can take second seat in my heart. Or maybe actually he can share it or sculpt a new one, a different kinda seat. A different kinda love. Right now the love of my life is nature.
Ever since beginning therapy, but particularly the last six months, I’ve noticed my relationship with nature – something I’ve always had – has grown and grown, deepened and deepened. As my consciousness expands, so does my ability to be more at one with the world around me. This is, after all, the aim of therapy. Well, my kinda therapy.
No longer am I so ‘shut down’. No longer am I so desperate and in need that I disregard the needs of nature. I never ever did fully but I mean in terms of picking flowers, or hurtling down hillsides on my bike and ignoring potential nuggets of nature I was destroying. And, carelessly not always recycling. Although my ‘norm’ is pretty fucking good considering my upbringing. When I looked around, even when I was not giving a shit, I was still giving a massive shit. It’s just how I roll.
The last few weeks I’ve noticed my awareness expand even more. I have recently – the last six months – gotten into noticing what animals are coming into my life, what animals show up in my days, and then checking in with myself as to what I feel their medicine is. Or reading up online, but always keeping a bit of a distance when I do this as there is a fuck load of new age crap out there. The animals that are so present every day at the moment, are little ones. Little bugs, flies, wacky mini creatures, caterpillars, crickets. To me this is medicine significant to finding the gentleness in life, the slow pace, the fragility I’m getting to know, the delicate-ness – something I’ve always brushed aside. These little creatures show up, land on me, crawl beside me to bring me back to it an the safety of going easy and going slow. And, there’s a tonne of butterflies. These ALWAYS come into my life at times of transition. I love it. They flutter by and remind me I’m on the right path. They remind me to hold on.
Today I held hands with a leafy blossoming tree and I felt loved. Yesterday I hugged a tree trunk and felt supported. The day before I bare foot watered my vegetables and felt understood. Last week I was having a sob and feeling so alone, and two huge and magnificent butterflies flew and landed on the house wall and the garden wall outside my bedroom window. I felt held. The week before last I saw a river otter ducking and diving whilst out for a walk after a river swim and I felt so so honoured. And I soaked up its mischievous cheek as it eyed me with a knowing look as it snuck under a boat and went on its way.
My love affair with nature is like an unquenchable thirst. It’s so desperate and so within my bones that sometimes I can’t do anything else – I literally have to go and sit outside and drink up the vitality, the green, the wild, the beauty, the freedom, the busyness and gentleness that’s everywhere, right under our noses…and fingertips and toes.