I long to follow and be able to take,
A path of someone else’s,
To avoid making mistakes.
I wish I could be guided..led,
Yet I’m denied it.
I wish I could bare witness
To a life where noone’s hiding.
And I wish I could remember
The wisdom that’s inside me.
Yet instead I choose to nourish,
With a self doubt that ends up famishing.
Outside I look,
For clarification and for praise.
Inside I seek –
Go searching in dismay.
I dream of knowledge
weighed down with a rock,
I dream of a confidence,
no doubting words could knock.
I dream of living with one desire:
To continue feeding my creative fire.
But what comes instead is a fossil fueled envy,
A convincing belief,
That everyone’s sorted, not me.
That I’m on a road to destruction and despair,
And a journey full of turmoil
Out of fear of triumph and scares.
My mind needs guidance,
To correct all this self-denying,
But my heart holds confidence and simply says:
Just try it.