Take a break

It’ll still be there tomorrow, what you haven’t faced today.

As in, you don’t have to do it all at once.

It’s okay to take a break.

To get some rest. To sleep. To do shit that doesn’t bring anything except fun.

You don’t have to figure it all out at once.

I don’t know about you, but I am constantly trying to figure everything out. Trying to heal stuff that’s deep and heavy in my heart, trying to write out shit that’s sat there at the forefront of my mind and dying to be heard. Trying to work shit through so that it’s not fucking me over anymore or taking me into all these patterns I see myself doing…

But it drives me nuts. It does the opposite of what I intend to do. Tonight I lie here longing to write and write and write, or talk and talk and talk, but instead I know I just need sleep. I have avoided writing since about 3pm because I know what I want to do is talk, and I haven’t got anyone here to talk it too. So maybe I should take the hint – if the outlet isn’t here at my fingertips, maybe it’s okay to take a break.

Because what happened twenty years ago, will still be here for the next twenty too. So it’s okay to take my time, to mix it up with a little Me. To trust that I don’t have to face it All At Once.

A lot of the time that feels impossible, and literally IS impossible because the feelings or memories are right there and NOT going anywhere else. But other times it just feels impossible because the idea of taking a break and feeling safe, calm, relaxed and at ease, is like the most scary and insane thing EVER. But it’s something, I’m learning, is allowed.

kitkat-gr5

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